SIS'TA :D

engku ika binti takthu :D haha , seriusly , isn't she lovely ? :) i love when she smile ! i'm lying if i describe just one of my fav thing i like about her ! because it too many thing's i like about her ! she soo gorgeous and good to me ! :) is this what it feel's like having a sister ? waaa ~.~ yaAllah , kenapalah engkau tak berikan hambamu ini kakak ? ish2 , HAHA . FYI , she a caring person and humble okeyy :D and SHE'S MINE ! xD actually , not 100% mine xD maybe 20 or 40 percent :P rite now , i'm desperatly want to see her >< grr ! i bet she soo gorgeouss ! hehe :) saya pon nak mengaku , saya ni bukan adik yang baik sngt xD kekadang nakal , gedik and terlalu over sngt gurau :P saya ni jenis lembap and cepat gila babun BLURR xD kalau saya gelak , tak boleh nak stop ! hahah , pelik kan ? muka pon hodoh perangai dh pelik . ish2 . maaflah kerana akk dpt adik mcm saya ni :) btw , saya sayang akk kalau akk sayang saya and jaga saya :) love youu ♥ and i try my best to make you happy by my side :3

struggle to put my heart under arrest;
cuffed restrained from loving you 

yet i always collapse under pressure,
releasing emotions for they override all
as i relapse to dangerous depths of tragedy where
stinging sensations shock each nerve within 

pain intolerable, yet i still live

shedding chances, undeserved

for it's all i have left to give.

goodbye blog:')

hey guys :') i just want to say , maybe i won't open this blog again , never open it . i hope it true . because this blog , really mean to me . i really love to tell and share all my story , but it too much , just let me keep it :') its pain , it make tears , sometime it fun . lol . but its cool , i will miss all my blog friend and blog.spot:") when i read all my PATHETIC story , my eyes start to cry , my heart start feel the pain and memory start to came . so better if i just don't ever come back to this pathetic book :') maybe i'm going to open a new one . i hope its better and no more sadness and pain . so, goodbye BLOGSPOT :') * cheer's =]

laying here alone in the dark
just staring at the wall,
tossing and turning restlessly
trying not to focus on just how much

i truly wish you where here.

going through my days
kinda feeling like an act
as i try to pretend i'm fine
and not show how much it hurts me
wishing you were really by my side.
 

i try to understand,
try to be patient and see,
try to truly see your point of view
but i can't say I really see.

nights of silly, stupid fights,
saying we just don't want to do it
and saying we just give up,
breaking each others hearts again
from the stress that we're under.

sometimes i don't really care to see,

i don't want to try to understand,

it make me heart broken and cry
why you make the choices you do sometimes
when you could just simply tell me yes
and end all this heartache we know.
 

i see the risks, i see the challenges,

i can see the troubles as clearly as you
that are coming towards us
just over that ridge,
you try to protect me but i say let me face it.

i'm your hope and your peace,
your sure thing to hold tight to
and i see and understand that,
you want to protect me, me always safe,
and i know your intentions are good.

but it kills me inside every time

i can't reassure myself that you're safe,
watching you take risks from this safe distance,
it rips me up from the inside out,
never knowing every time you step out.

laying here alone in the dark
just staring at the wall,
tossing and turning restlessly
trying not to focus on just how much
I truly wish you where here.

she looks as him,
broken,used,and ruined,
but all he sees is mad,
he asked what's wrong,

she can only say nothing,
but as she walks away,
she asks the herself,
what's not wrong?

she can't take one more lie,
one more broken promise,
one more broken heart,
one more hurtful remark,

she just can't,
her heart isn't all there,
she feels as if it's gone,
it's only pain,

and when she talks,
her voice is filled with sadness,
rarely what she trys to make happiness,

she listens tuh the sadness music,
but no one notices,
they only hear her singing,
but she's really hiding her pain,

she doesn't wanna die,
she doesn't wanna laugh,
she doesn't wanna cry,
she doesn't wanna hurt,

she just wants all the pain to leave,
but nothing's working,
everyone is trying tuh help her,
but NOTHING will work,

it just needs tuh be fixed,
she needs some special tuh fill the whole,
while she trys tuh avoid hurt again,
she can't trust thoughh,

everything seems harder,
she feel like she can't control herself,
she's losing all happiness,
she needs a light in the dark room she calls her life

goodbyes

hear me scream,hear me cry
hear me please,say goodbye

take it all,make a dash
leave it behind,go now, fast

took a chance,bad mistake
you saw the truth, its far too late

broken promises,repeated lies
hidden secrets,now say goodbye

she keeps her laughter loud,
and light in her eyes.
but the smile on her face,
is only just a disguise.

because although she seems happy,
and theres many things to love.
deep down she always feels,
like shes never good enough.

she looks in the mirror,
ashamed of what she sees.
and no amount of tears,
will put her heart at ease.

many have tried to save her,
but the past gets in the way.
and when they try to love her,
she pushes them farther away.

inside she feels broken,
this world has done her wrong.
and the life she was given,
makes it so hard to stay strong.

im looking in the mirror,
ashamed of what i see.
but starting today,

i realize nobody can

change the real me

i want to make things better
but I do not know how
i've tried to get closer
but this is as close as you'll allow

you keep me at a distance
you say its only fair
but can't you open your eyes and
see how much i care

you think its better this way
that you keep it all inside
and even though you know i look for you
you continue to hide

and if thats the way you want it
then thats the way it is

i just wanted to save you when
you had nothing left to give

but you make me feel unwelcome
you treat me like its not my place to say
but i cannot stand you lying when you
pretend its all okay

the real me

i stand in front of the mirror,
seeing this reflection of myself.
but is this who i really am,
cause lately it's hard to tell.

my eyes don't look the same anymore.
my smile has faded away.

and the things that used to be so beautiful,
are now just dark and gray.

my strength just seems to weaken.
the motivation i had once is gone.

and things that used to feel so right.
now feel just totally wrong.
 

i dont know what to do anymore

and im not sure i'll ever know.
all i've ever been through is hell

and all i've ever felt is alone.

all my pain has overwhelmed me,
my confidence is out the door.
does anyone recognize my reflection.
cause im not quite sure who i am anymore.

broken heart

just rip my heart out
throw it to the floor
please stop pretending

i know you don't care anymore

i very highly doubt
you ever really cared
constant lies proved that
you're nothing but scared

i have no feelings?
take a look in the mirror
maybe it will help you
to see what is clear

you really hit two birds
with one giant stone
i've never really felt
so completely alone

i hope she was worth it

was he worth what you lost?
all the stupid choices you made
will always come with a cost